Communication is a coach’s number one tool.

But communication isn’t just about what you say — it’s about how your message is received and understood.

The more complex an instruction, the more effort a child needs to put into understanding how to action it. Things that can make an instruction more complex include:

• Lots of steps or separate parts
• Complex or abstract wording/language
• New or unfamiliar tasks

This is especially important when working with children who might be on higher alert than normal.

Fact sheet: Communicating with children

Relationships and positive social interaction are powerful tools for helping children recover from trauma — and sport offers a unique space for these connections to grow.

One of the most important things you can do as a coach is to role model what calm looks like, and to be consistent in how you present.

Unregulated coach = unregulated player.

Always remember that your mood is contagious. If you want children to feel calm, safe, and happy during your sessions, it starts with you.

The energy you bring helps set the emotional tone — especially when a child is feeling anxious, upset, or dysregulated.

Staying Regulated as a Coach

It’s not always easy.
Some behaviours linked to trauma can be challenging and may even push your buttons.

That’s why it’s important to:

• Be aware of your own emotional triggers
• Recognise when you’re starting to feel stressed or reactive
• Practice staying calm, consistent, and in control, even in tough moments

When you stay regulated, you model emotional control for the children around you — and help them feel safe enough to begin regulating themselves.

Fact sheet: Taking care of yourself

When working with children and young people impacted by trauma, it can be helpful to remember ‘PACE’.

PACE stands for: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy.

When we make an effort to incorporate these four elements into how we interact with children, they can help us to stay calm, connected, and supportive — even in challenging moments.

Playfulness: Play is already a big part of sport and recreation, and it can be a powerful tool for building connection and getting rid of tension. Keep interactions light and fun. Consider a well-timed joke or playful tone. Be mindful though not to use humour at the child’s expense, or to make light of their struggle.

Acceptance: This means accepting the emotions children are feeling and the needs behind a child’s behaviour – even if the behaviour itself isn’t okay. Sometimes, it’s about acknowledging that the child had a good reason for how they acted, without questioning it.

Curiosity: See if you can replace an initial reaction of judgement with curiosity instead. Try asking yourself: “What might be going on underneath this behaviour?” “What skill is this child missing? And how can I help?” You can ask the child if the situation and the moment allows, but you don’t always even have to do that. Even just reflecting internally can help shift how you respond.

Empathy: This is about connecting in with the child’s emotional state, showing compassion, and trying to understand how they might be feeling.

Using the PACE approach doesn’t mean letting go of boundaries and expectations. It just means that, when we interact with kids, we make an effort to connect with the emotions they are feeling.

When children feel like you are there with them and really seeing what’s going on, they can often stop showing you those emotions through their behaviour.

Fact sheet: PACE

Giving young people choice and control is a powerful tool for healing, and coaches can play a big role in this.

This doesn’t mean giving up all your authority as coach and letting kids run the show. Instead, see if you can find areas where kids can have a voice and make choices.

As a coach, you naturally hold a position of authority. But how you use that authority matters, especially for children who have had negative experiences with adults misusing power or making them feel helpless.

Here are a few simple ways to offer choice and control:

1. Offer Limited Choices

Can you give children a small set of options to choose from?
For example:

• “Would you like to attack first or defend first?”
• “Do you want this ball or that ball?”

Even small choices help children feel more in control of their experience.

2. Create Opportunities to Help or Lead

Can you find ways for children to contribute or take on small leadership roles?

• Let them help set up equipment or carry something
• Ask them to help demonstrate a skill
• Invite them to lead a warm-up or team cheer

3. Balance the Power

Think about how you can reduce power imbalances in your interactions:

• Get down to a child’s eye level when speaking with them
• Use open body language and a calm tone
• Create moments where the child can show or teach you something – a skill, a trick, or even a new game

The goal is to create an environment where children feel like they matter — where they have a voice, a choice, and a role to play.

Fact sheet: Choice and control

We know that trying something new and stepping outside your comfort zone is part of learning — but for some kids, that can feel really scary.

As a coach, your role is to help children take controlled, manageable risks — the kind that build confidence and resilience over time.

But what that looks like will vary depending on the child, the activity, and the context.
Here are some practical strategies to help children feel safe, supported, and ready to stretch themselves:

1. Give Them Language

Help children express how they’re feeling by giving them a simple way to communicate it.
One example is the traffic light system:

• Green = I feel comfortable
• Yellow = I feel a bit nervous, but I’m willing to try
• Red = I feel overwhelmed or panicked

This helps children tune into their emotions and gives them a sense of control.
If they know they can pull back when they hit the red zone, they’re more likely to take that first step into the yellow.

Remember: every child has a different tolerance for how long they can stay in the yellow or red zones.

2. Positive Reinforcement — Even in Failure

Encouragement isn’t just for when things go well.
When a child tries something and doesn’t succeed, that’s a critical moment to offer praise.

Acknowledge their effort and bravery:

“I love that you gave it a go — that was a tough one!”

This builds resilience and helps them feel safe to try again.

3. End with Success

When teaching new skills — especially to younger or less experienced players — it’s common to start simple and build up the difficulty.

But when wrapping up an activity, try to end on a win.
That might mean pulling back the difficulty so the final attempt can be successful.

Ending with success boosts confidence and leaves children feeling positive about the experience.

So far, we’ve explored a range of strategies to help children thrive in sport and recreation — from building trust and connection, to supporting risk-taking and resilience.

But sometimes, despite our best efforts, a child’s stress levels can exceed their ability to cope.
When this happens, they may start to show signs that they’re about to “flip their lid.”

Recognising the Signs

Some signs are easy to spot, like yelling, stomping, or emotional outbursts.
But others are much more subtle.

Some children, when overwhelmed, shut down. They might go quiet, withdraw, or seem spaced out.
These behaviours are less disruptive, so they can be easy to miss — but they’re just as important to respond to.

Every child is different.
Their reactions are shaped by their unique experiences, and over time, you’ll start to recognise the individual signs that a child is struggling.

Being able to spot these signs early and step in with support is a valuable skill.

But it’s important to remember:

Some children can flip their lid very quickly.
Even with all the right strategies in place, we won’t always be able to prevent it — and that’s okay.

What matters most is how we respond:

• With calm
• With empathy
• And with the understanding that behaviour is communication

By staying tuned in and responsive, you can help children return to a regulated state and continue to get the most out of their time in sport and recreation.

To support a child who’s becoming overwhelmed or about to “flip their lid,” we can use a simple model called: Calm, Connect, Coach.

This model uses our understanding of the brain to most effectively support children, depending on what area is currently in control.

Fact sheet:  Brain Based Coaching

It’s helpful to have an idea of what to do and how to respond in the moment when a child ‘flips their lid’.

Here’s a step-by-step approach to help guide you in the event of such a situation.

You can also use this guide to pre-emptively support a child who might be getting close to flipping their lid.

Fact sheet: Steps to responding to overwhelmed children

When we are trying to help a child to stay calm or return to a calmer state, we can use strategies to help the brain and body to regulate.

One of the most effective tools is deep breathing.

Why Deep Breathing Works

When we feel stressed or anxious, our breathing changes without us even noticing.

We start taking shallow, quick breaths using our shoulders instead of our diaphragm — which keeps us in a heightened state of alert.

To counter this, we need to breathe deeply and slowly, drawing air all the way into the belly.

This kind of breathing helps:

• Lower heart rate
• Reduce stress levels
• Increase oxygen flow
• Calm the nervous system

That’s why deep breathing is also used by athletes as a performance strategy — to focus the mind and body before competition.

Fact sheet: Breathing exercises for children

Regulating through movement

For many children, movement is essential for regulation.

A traditional approach for responding to children who are exhibiting big behaviours or about to flip their lid has been to try to get them to sit still in order to calm down, but often it is the opposite that kids need.

In trauma-informed or ‘brain based’ coaching, we want to encourage safe, rhythmic, and repetitive movement.

These types of activities help regulate the nervous system and can be easily woven into your sessions.

Ideas for Regulating Movement Activities

You might create a few “go-to” activities that suit your sport and environment. These could include:

• Tossing a ball back and forth
• Skipping, hopping, or light jogging
• Dribbling drills or passing patterns
• Repetitive warm-up movements

The key is to make these activities feel inviting and achievable — not like a punishment or exile.

They can also be great moments for connection.

For example, tossing a ball back and forth while chatting casually gives the child a chance to regulate and reconnect — without the pressure of a direct conversation.

By using regulation strategies, you can help children reset and return to a place where they feel calm, safe, and ready to participate.